I'm so very lucky

My grandmas wake was last Friday, April 16 and her funeral was last Saturday, April 17.

It is very hard for me to accept that she is gone, but then I remember that she is always with me. I will never forget my memories of her. Never. During the wake, I was told, "You know? You look a lot like her when she was younger." I think thats the best compliment I have ever received in my life. Even though my grandma isn't physically here, she's here through family. She's my dads playful behavior, my grandpas toughness, my cousins kindness, my aunts independence, my uncles manners, but most importantly her love thats seen in all of us when we are together.

Family is such a precious thing. It amazes me how even though we can go days, weeks, months or even years without speaking to one another that when we finally come together again we are all so close. A special bond. I'm very lucky to have that.

While I was visiting Wisconsin, I learned from my grandma that you have got to live life to the fullest. No ifs, ands or buts about it. And along with that, is having your family there with you.

Once I got back to Texas, I had much needed school work to do, exercise and guess what? Work! I'm officially a working woman. Thank goodness because I need some money. My first day was last Wed. I'm rather excited about it.

School is almost over with. Only a few more weeks and I can't wait. I still have a lot of stuff to do though, but thats okay. I'm really starting to like being busy, and not just to keep my mind off things, but because its enjoyable. I still need to look into running a 5k. Oh yes. Did you think I was giving up on that? Because I'm not. I'm getting to the point where I can run about 20 minutes without stopping, which may not be a lot to some people, but for me I'm very proud of myself for doing that. I mean, I'm obviously not the athlete of the family so just doing that is exciting for me. It takes me one step closer to crossing something off my list.

Anyways, thats just a little update in my life. It's way past my bed time.

Good night.

Side note: The picture is something I did for school. Just more art work.

For my grandmother.

When I was little I would stare for hours at her wedding picture, placed high along the wall with all the other family photos that were taken through the years. I would sit on the floor behind the couch and stare, wishing and hoping that some day I might be as beautiful her. She was so dashing, and her look was classic. She was absolutely a beauty. As she got older, she still looked flawless. She aged, be she aged well. She always had her beautiful long hair in a bun with little curls on the side of her face forming from the Wisconsin heat. I remember when I was little, I made her do my hair that way so I could show my mom when I got home. Unfortunately, by the end of the plane trip it was a mess since I fell asleep on it. The first thing I did was take those bobby pins out and and made my mom redo that bun, because I wanted to be just like her, my grandmother, Polly Hessel.

Every year, for a week or two, I was fortunate to spend time with my grandparents. I don't recall my first memory of her, but what I do remember is how close we had become. I'm not saying that I was her favorite, because I wasn't, but I did have a unique and special bond with her that none of the other grandkids had shared. When I was there for that week, I was with her practically 24/7. She knew every little thing about me, and I wanted nothing more than to just be with her. I always watched her throughout the day in awe. Everything she did was so selfless and so classy. She always had her mind on a billion things at once, but always gave me attention when I asked for it. If I wanted to play checkers, she was there ready and willing. If I wanted to color she would bring the crayons and the paper out and sit next to me and watch me draw. Anything I wanted she was right there. She spoiled me. I was into beanie babies and by the time that trip was over I had at least 5 more. She took me to zoos, museums, plays, malls, movies and anything else that I was interested in. I remember a place at the mall that was a gigantic play place. It had the fake grocery store, doctors office, school, etc. and we would play make believe in there for hours. She would always go along with me, never complaining or getting out of character. To this day, I still don't know how she did it. She introduced me to Shel SIlverstein. Sitting curled up on the couch next to her, she would read the poems and give each character a different voice and I would giggle so hard my eyes would water. Every day we would go on a walk along the Green Bay. It smelled of stinky dead fish, but that never bothered me because we would be so engrossed in our own conversations. Mostly it was me talking a mile a minute about absolutely nothing, but she would smile at me and listen so intensely.

The memories I have of her are never ending.

She was so full of life, so adventurous. She would never pass any opportunity given to her. She was brave, when no one else would step up to the plate. For a petite woman, she was so very strong. Very intelligent, and very determined. She was so very independent, yet always there when someone needed her. She lived life to the fullest. Her heart was so big, so full of love, so giving and so selfless. I don't think there was ever a person who wasn't positively affected by just from knowing her. She brought light to those who only saw dark. Her beauty, inside and out, left a lasting impression to everyone who knew her. She was an amazing woman, friend, wife, mother and grandmother.

To me, you are everything I wish to be, grandma. And I will always love you forever.

In Loving Memory

Pauline Hessel.

Here is a video I made for her birthday celebration a few years back:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJuRM9GvWMY