Day 359: HALLOWEEN.

I'm tired and need to go to bed, but I will write all about it tomorrow! PROMISE!

Day 358: Stressed to the max

I have a french test tomorrow. Can't you tell I'm avoiding studying while I type this blog out right now?

I need to stop procrastinating. Like for real.

Why am I so lazy? I feel really productive at work and then I come home and I'm done. I want to be like that all day.

okay. this is short and pointless. I need to geta studying.

Day 357: Almost halloween.

and I got nothing to do.

Woo.

So glad my moms back though. I've missed them. It's been so lonely without them and the dogs always freak out.

I studied all day, so I don't really have much to blog about.

I did use FaceTime for the first time ever and let me tell you... That was freaking epic!!

So awesome!

Okay. I'm off. I'm getting annoyed with a certain someone.

Day 356: Haunting.

I remember a time when October used to be my favorite time of the year. It was the time of candy, scary movies, pumpkin carving, trick or treating, being with friends and family and enjoying the fall festivities. 

But now, I'm just haunted. I'm haunted by the girl I was a few years ago. All the pain and anger and hurt wrapped up into this girl who just couldn't take it anymore and I broke. I had fallen to my lowest point. 

I had reached a point in my life where I didn't want to be alive. 

Of course I got up, and could only go higher from where I was, and I did, but every time October, November rolls around I can't help but be reminded of that place I was in just a little while ago. I sink to a low place and mope around for a while pitying myself. Oh I have no friends, no one cares about me, I'm so useless in life, i'm so fat.. etc etc.

It's were my mind goes. 

Apart of me knows it's dumb, and I can't make it go away, but that's just how hauntings go. It's fitting. Go figure. 

Day 355: Would you like some cheese with that wine!

groggy, ughh. I slept for like 12 hours! Why? There is like a a huge swollen lymph node on my neck, and my head hurts. 

Today is going to be a sucky day. I just know it. I have so much to do, and no motivation or inspiration. 

Monday I have to sign up for classes. I'm hoping I can get Tuesday and Thursday classes. Reasons being, so I can save gas, and start focusing on myself. Theres been a lack of that.

Damn I have to work later. I'm so sick of retail.  Can't I have a more interesting job? No. 

Day 354: Memory lane

Since I got an iphone, I decided it was time to finally transfer my music to my phone... which meant I finally moved all my music from my imac to my macbook. I spent about an hour going through all of my music and damn... I have more songs unchecked than checked. 

It was weird going through all of my old music... it was like traveling back in time to when I first had a c.d. player to my very first ipod, Oswald, to my mini Oswald and now to my iphone. That's about 10 years of music. That's about 10 years of my life. 

You know how music correlates to memories? Well, I sure did go down memory lane tonight. It's funny about all the songs that stick around and the ones that go. It's funny because most of the songs that went... even though they used to be some of my absolute favorites, leave me with bad memories. I wasn't necessarily getting rid of my songs, but my memories. All the bad ones, all the stupid ones, all the ones that remind me a younger dumber me, and all the ones that need to go. 

Now I have so much room for more songs! For more memories! For more improvement! 

Day 353: Rotting brain

My brain feels like mush today. You want to know why? Because all I've done is sit on my butt and watch television. Not to mention I woke up at like 1. Great. It's going to be super fun going to bed tonight..I mean this morning. 

I hate days like this, because even though I know I have a lot to do, I still just sit and watch a lot of stupid stupid shows! After watching so much crap, I start to feel dumb. I don't know why I do this to myself?! 

How to get my crap together?! Or get some type of motivation going, I just don't know. 

Yuck. I'm tired of this blah feeling. I'm done. So done.