Crossroads
As
I lie here motionless in the dark on an unfamiliar bed, with a guy I had just
met—Toby? Tony? What ever his name is—I close my eyes and try to forget about
Derek, the love of my life. I try and
forget his tall, athletic frame and the way he would tenderly wrap his long,
strong arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I try and forget how
sultry he would say my name. “Oh, Mila,” he would say, causing my heart to skip
a beat and my stomach to fill with butterflies as his deep voice reverberated
throughout my entire body. I try and forget everything about Derek, and instead
I focus on Toby.
I
met him only hours ago, down the street at a bar called Crossroads. Tired of
the noise, tired of the song “Don’t Stop Believing” blaring through the
speakers, and tired of the same pick up lines; I stepped outside. While I was
smoking my cigarette, I was tapped on the shoulder and when I turned around,
Toby was there asking for a light. I noticed his dark brown eyes first. They were
nothing like Derek’s bright green eyes that twinkled every time he smiled; they
were more subtle and plain.
After
he returned my lighter, and made a few awkward glances, we exchanged names and
started talking, mostly small talk. I don’t remember where he attends school,
or what he does for a living, or anything he told me while we stood outside in that
dimly lighted street. I stopped caring, really. Like his eyes, he was plain,
boring and nothing like Derek.
As
Toby flicked his cigarette into the street, I leaned suggestively into him.
Looking up at him I could smell the alcohol in his breath, and the cigarette
smoke that still lingered, but I didn’t care; I kissed him. He was exactly the
opposite of Derek, and that’s precisely what I wanted. Toby kissed me back and
then lifted his mouth from mine.
“Want
to come back to my place?” he had asked me.
“Sure,
why not?” I said as I lifted my cigarette to my mouth and took a long, deep
drag.
Now
I’m on his bed, and he’s kissing me, but I’m not really kissing back. While
Toby moves from my side to hover above me, I can feel the cold rush over me as we
separate and the heat from our bodies disperse. I’m now on my back. Looking
past his eyes as he settles atop more comfortably, I look up at the ceiling fan
watching each blade morph into a continuous circular motion. I feel his lips
caress my neck, applying pressure to certain spots trying to arouse me. I’m
not, but I pretend that I am by making a soft moan and turning my head to the
side giving him more leeway.
Looking
around his room, I notice that it’s very plain. He has a nightstand next to his
bed that’s full of dirty dishes, some lighters and biking magazines. The walls
are white, with no pictures, or posters. Clothes are piled high shoved in the
corner of his room. An old wooden desk with a large computer is directly next
to the heaping pile. Papers are scattered all over the desk, and what looks to
be different kinds of videogames. His knee is now in between my legs, nudging
them apart, shifting his weight so he can be directly on top of me.
He
begins kissing me again, harder this time, pressing my head deeper into the
mattress. I don’t feel like kissing back, but I do it; it takes my mind off
Derek. His tongue slides deeper into my mouth and I can taste the alcohol and
nicotine. I instantly crave a cigarette.
***
I hear a constant ringing noise, which is
disturbing my sleep, so I open my eyes. I look next to me and notice an empty
spot. Mila isn’t here. Was that a dream? No, it felt too real. The ringing
brings me back to why I had wakened and then I realize it’s my phone. It’s
work.
“Yeah,
this is Toby,” I say hearing the drowsiness in my voice.
“Hi
Toby, this is Sharron. On my schedule it said that you were supposed to be here
an hour ago.”
“Damn.
I slept in, Sharron. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I say as I disconnect,
kick the blankets off of my half naked body and head for the bathroom.
I
practically trip over all my shit, and wonder if my sloppiness is the reason
why Mila left. I look around the room to see if maybe she has left a note of
why she had to split or maybe even a number. I check out my nightstand, picking
up plates and magazines to see if she had hidden it there. Nothing. I walk over
to my desk and realize that everything looks exactly the same. She didn’t leave
a note. Just for shits and giggles I look at my phone to see if she added her
number there. I scroll through the M’s: Matt, Michael, and Mom. No Mila. I sigh
and proceed to get ready for work.
When
I get to work, my manager pulls me aside and gives me a lecture about tardiness
and a warning. I don’t really care though, because it’s just a measly part-time
job. Not even anything interesting either, just a cashier at the local shopping
mart. I can find others, maybe even at the university. That would probably be
easier anyways, since it’s on campus and I tend to study there a lot. My boss
immediately tells me to jump on a lane, because it’s starting to get busy.
I
begin ringing a girl and notice that she has the same tinge of red in her hair
as Mila. Actually this girl looks a lot like Mila, although her hair is curly
and short, while Mila has long, wavy hair. She could probably pass for Mila’s
younger less attractive sister. Maybe she is? I want to ask her, but that would
probably be weird, so I don’t and continue to quietly ring.
During
my lunch break, I sit alone at the break table eating a burrito I had just
bought. It taste like shit, but I’m hungry so I eat it anyways. The burrito
leaves a bad taste in my mouth, so I snap open my coke and take a big swig. I
wonder how in the world I ended up meeting Mila last night. Had it been fate?
I
didn’t plan on going last night, but somehow like usual my friend, Michael, had
talked me into going. The only reason I liked going to Crossroads was to get a
glimpse of Mila, but she tended to always be with some athletic, macho guy. Last
night I had noticed her there, but she was by herself. After watching many guys
failed attempts to hit on her, I saw that she was leaving.
My
favorite song “Don’t Stop Believing” began playing, which started to get me
pumped up and then next thing I knew I was outside asking her for a light, even
though I had one in my pocket. I stared at her a few times, noticing how smooth
her skin looked under the soft glow from the streetlamp. She had looked so
beautiful that night. She looked at me a few times, and I just knew there was a
connection between the two of us. I began talking to her.
“Thanks
for the light. Having a good night?” I asked.
“Sure.”
She took another long drag.
“I’m
Toby, by the way,” I said as I extended my hand out to hers.
She
blew out a puff of smoke, moved her cigarette to her other hand, and placed her
free hand into mine. “Mila.”
I
repeated her name, letting the ‘L’ roll off of my tongue. She never noticed,
maybe because I spoke so low. I would have never guessed her name was Mila.
Maybe Sally, Jennifer or Tiffany, but not Mila. It was a beautifully unique
name, and so was she. It was fitting.
Mila and I began having a nice conversation.
I learned that we attend the same university, like the same music, and hate our
crummy part-time jobs. She looked at me with such intensity as I told her about
my life; where I planned on being in a few years, what I wanted to do, where I
wanted to go. Mila actually seemed to care. No girl ever gave me a second look,
especially one that I liked, so when Mila shocked me by pressing her lips
against mine, I couldn’t just let her go.
Mila
had gone though, this morning while I slept. I crumpled my coke can and slammed
it into the wastebasket as I walked through the break room doors to go back to
work. After work, I’m going back to Crossroads to find her. I might be in luck
again. Hopping on a lane, I call to the next person in line to let them know
I’m free. When the customer walks over, I notice it’s that athletic, macho guy
always hanging around Mila.
***
“Hi,
how are you doing today?” the cashier says in the dullest tone as I place my
pack of beer, bag of chips and condoms onto the conveyor belt.
“Pretty
good, man,” I say.
The
cashier hesitates as he picks up the box of condoms and then makes a disgusted
face while he rings them. Observing the name tag that’s pinned on the left side
of his button up shirt I read ‘Toby.’ Rolling my eyes, I can only imagine Toby
as some church nut that frowns upon people who have premarital sex. He’s
probably a virgin. Looks nerdy enough to be one. Toby tells me what I owe.
Reaching for my wallet in the back of my pants I pull it out, and hand him a
crisp twenty-dollar bill. While Toby is counting the change, my phone begins to
ring.
“Hello?”
I ask.
“Hey,
Derek.” It’s Vanessa. I can tell by the way her soft, sultry voice sounds.
“Hey
gorgeous. What’s up?” I look up at Toby, and realize he is listening intently
to this conversation, so I turn away trying to make distance between us.
“Just
wondering when you were coming over. I can’t wait.”
“I’m
at the store now getting a few things, I’ll be over after. See you then.” I
hang up on Vanessa and grab the change that Toby is holding. His eyes are
narrower than before and he’s biting his lower lip. I grab my sack and beer,
and turn to walk towards the automatic doors.
“Was
that Mila?” I hear Toby ask. Or at least that’s what I thought he had asked. I
turn around to face him.
“What?”
I say as I step closer to him.
“Was
that Mila on the phone?”
“Why
the hell would I tell you and how do you know Mila?”
“She
was with me last night,” he says nonchalantly.
“Yeah,
whatever.”
I
leave the store, punch in Vanessa’s number and tell her I’m not coming over.
Putting my car in reverse, I back out and drive home. Mila hasn’t crossed my
mind in some time, but having that little dweeb tell me he had been with her
makes my knuckles white from holding onto the steering wheel too hard.
Last
I saw Mila was at her apartment. Earlier, I had gone to Crossroads to have a
few drinks with the guys. I got a little wasted, not so wasted that I couldn’t
remember anything, but the kind of wasted where I wish I could forget. Tiffany,
Mila’s roommate, was also at Crossroads. She had on her really short shorts and
low cut top, so it was hard to miss her. Tiffany kept grabbing my hand, pulling
me to the dance floor, pressing her hips into mine. While she kept dancing, I
kept drinking. Next thing I know, I wake up naked cuddled next to Tiffany.
Gathering
all my stuff quickly, I tried to sneak out, but I had forgotten Mila was a
morning person. I was caught red handed. Holding her coffee in one hand and her
phone in the other, she stared right through me, turned away and walked into
her bathroom. Many times I tried to talk to her, tell her it was an accident,
but the she kept shutting me out. Mila wasn’t worth it; yet knowing that she
was with Toby really pisses me off. I look at my phone and realize I don’t have
her number anymore. Crossroads was our favorite bar, so I might try there later
tonight.
***
After
working a long day of taking orders, serving dishes and getting shitty tips,
I’m finally home. I lock the door behind me as I enter my apartment and shove
my purse keys, and coat on the table. Exhausted from lack of sleep, I decide
that I should take a nap before I go out with some friends. I walk past the
empty room that used to be Tiffany’s, and make my way to my room. Crawling onto
my bed and under the covers, laying my phone next to my head, I lie here motionless
not able to sleep.
After
Toby had fallen asleep last night, I quickly dressed and rushed out of his
place. I don’t remember the time, but I know it was early morning before the
sun came up, because it was still dark. The air was crisp, almost refreshing
and while I was walking back to my apartment I felt different.
Toby
wasn’t my type, he was too lean, too nerdy and too plain, but somehow while
walking home, memories of him and I kept popping into my thoughts. Slowly I
started regretting how I had treated him. I had used him as if he were nothing
but a way for me to cope with my loneliness. Either I was feeling guilty or
Toby was actually growing on me. Thinking of this I slowly started to sleep.
A
reminder on my phone sounded, and I almost forgot where I was. I opened my eyes
and picked up my phone. It wasn’t a reminder, but a text from my friends asking
where I was. I was supposed to be at Crossroads an hour ago. I text my friend
back and tell her I’ll be there shortly. Throwing my phone back on the bed, I
throw on some different clothes, redo my face and I’m out the door.
When
I arrive, I scan the room for my friends. Instead I find Toby standing by the
bar staring intently at me. He makes his way over to me, practically stumbling
into everyone. I think he’s nervous, so to lessen his chances of running into
any more people I make my way over to him.
“Mila,”
he says as he looks down at the floor, shifting his weight.
I
suddenly can’t remember if his name really is Toby, or if I’ve just assumed
this the whole time. Before I make a mistake, I just smile at him. “Don’t Stop
Believing” begins to play and I can see something change in Toby. Courage maybe?
“I
don’t know why you left without saying goodbye, I don’t really care. Last night
was incredible and I was wondering if I could take you out on a date?”
Before
I answer, I hear someone angrily shout, “Toby!” Oh good, I was right. His name
is Toby. I hear that angry shout again, and then realize the voice sounds
familiar. Out of nowhere, I watch as a fist comes from behind me and slams into
Toby’s face. Not just anyone’s fist, but from Derek. I move away as Toby lands
on his ass and touches his fresh wound.
“Stop!”
I scream, but Derek continues to slam his fist towards Toby. Toby blocks Derek
and manages to make his way off the floor.
“Stop!
Stop, Derek!” I scream again. A few people start to pull Derek away from Toby.
Derek looks at me, holding his gaze then finally looks down, shoves away from
the two men holding his arms and walks closer to me.
“Mila,
I’m sorry for what I did to you. How can you be with this guy? He’s a loser. Be
with me. I know you’ve missed me, because I’ve missed you.” He lightly rubs his
hand over my face and my stomach tightens.
I
look over at Toby, who is now bleeding. His eyes are looking deeply into mine;
I notice that they aren’t plain and boring, but sweet. I shove Derek’s hand out
of my face and turn away. It was like I was at a crossroad. So instead of
choosing which path to take, I step outside, pull out a cigarette and light up.
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