I'm going to embarrass myself now, but that's okay. That's what blogs are for. I'll share a secret with you that I don't typically talk about. Well actually I talk about it quite often, but I feel like most just don't take me seriously or approve.
First, let me start off by talking about my recently new love for tattoos. When I was younger, I didn't like them at all. In fact, I hated them. I thought they were stupid regrets, ugly and not to mention painful. But for some reason, they started to grow on me. Not necessarily the tattoos themselves, but the idea that someone has something so powerful they want to convey that they painfully mark it on their body for all to see.
I'm not talking about the ones where people wake up with a tattoo to their ass and pledge to never drink so much again. Or the little hearts that they get because they think it's cute. Basically the pointless ones.
The ones I'm talking about are the ones that deeply and truly mean something.
Now after all these years of hating, and not understanding them I've some how fallen in love with them. The meaningful ones that is. And for a while now, I've been really considering getting one. Which people either don't take me seriously, or they (like I used to be) don't like them.
The only problem is, if I ever get one, it would have to be important to me. It would have to mean something to me. Me?! the most indecisive person on the planet can't think of a single thing that I would remotely want to put on my body...
Until today.
Now here's the part that I usually don't share because I think it's stupid and I don't want people to judge me, but I really have found the perfect thing for me and because of that I'm not afraid to share it with anyone. You can judge me all you want, but I wont care because I've fallen in love with my perfect tattoo.
Want to know what it is? It's quite simple.
This: Kräva
Now you are probably thinking, what the hell is that? And how does that mean something to YOU? Well, listen to my story.
It all started when I wanted the word determined, but it just didn't feel right. Now you're probably wondering why I wanted that word, aren't you?
The reason I wanted the word determined is because I planned to get a tattoo after I lost weight, for motivational purposes and it was sorta meaningful. Plus I thought that would show that I could do it, that I was determined enough to lose weight, but it didn't sit well with me and I kind of lost myself and gave up. Later I changed it to hunger, because it dealt with food and desire at the same time. I thought if I lost the weight and got the word hunger then it would fit well because I desire so much to be fit, and now I would only be hungry for fitness. I liked that, but it still felt off.
So the next thing I thought of was crave. I liked the way crave sounded more than hunger, and it meant basically the same thing.
So... How did it change from crave to some other language? Why not just crave?
It's Swedish, actually.
I was actually researching the word crave and it comes from the word kräva. In Sweden it actually means to demand, require or crave. To embarrass myself even more, when I saw that it was Swedish, I instantly loved it. I think that's because one of my all time favorite characters (I read a lot) is Lisbeth Salander who is swedish. Sure, she's not real and she's had the most dysfunctional life ever and is a little bit weird, but she is a character that I look up to. Because of her strength, her independence and because, well, plain and simple she is a badass. I do believe that it really adds to my likeness for that tattoo, but she isn't the only reason I picked the swedish version over the english word because I like the way it looks and sounds. It also has this mysterious thing going, unless you speak croatian or slovak, because then you'd think it meant cow... but that kind of works in my favor too because I always think I look like a cow, so it'll be a reminder to never think that way again. ;)
Anyways, the main reason I want the word kräva isn't just about me losing the weight, or the fact that it reminds me of Salander and her inspiration to give me strength and to become independent.
It's more than that.
I would only get it after I lose weight, because in a small sense it is my desire to be fit, but in the bigger sense, it's an exchange for the confusion that I've been making my whole life. An accomplishment to the realization that I haven't been craving food all this time, but life. I require... demand... desire... CRAVE something better for myself and the world that I live in. I crave for happiness and losing that weight, getting the courage to get a painful but meaningful tattoo is one step towards satisfying my cravings.
Now... the only problem I have now is where I'd want it?! Ha.
