Something is Missing

I'm just chilling in a coffee shop right now. It's what I do after I work out, and before work.

It's probably my favorite part of the day. I like the me time, plus I'm much more productive.

I haven't blogged in forever. I could make excuses and say that I've not had time or I've been busy, but the truth is, I just don't know what to say. Don't get me wrong, I have a ton of thoughts rattling around in my head, but nothing that I feel should be posted.

However, I do miss blogging. This was such a huge outlet for me. I wrote everyday for a year and then sporadically after that. Though, I've hid some along the way. Even so, I feel like that is quite an accomplishment.

I was looking at older post and to see the growth is almost astonishing. I don't even know that girl since I've really transformed. My heart is still the same, maybe a little harder, but it's the same, yet it seems everything else is so different.

I'm almost 26. I started this blog in 2010. And I have liked watching the differences in me from when I first started to now. I've grown to love myself, but I'm also still pretty lost, and still searching for parts of me. Obviously it's a long process.

See? I have all these thoughts, but not a lot to say. Just random things. I'm trying to find something in life that is worth talking about. Maybe I'll find it soon. I hope that I find it soon. Because something feels missing.

Images

Images. 

(Artist Jean Jullien)

They speak louder than words sometimes.

Each image you see produces a reaction.

 A thought, an emotion, something that moves you. 

I'm sure you noticed that filter Facebook created for Paris. It's quite possible that even YOU decided to get that filter and show your support. And while I may come across insensitive and rude, I really want to know what you think you accomplished by changing your facebook picture?

I realize you will say something along the lines of, "Well, Katelan, that was kind of rude, but I changed it because I wanted to show my support for France and for those that were lost in the attack. I wanted to show them that we are united."

As humans, we should all want to be united and I love that you are wanting to show your support but what does it do?

"The Filter? It helps create unity, like I said. It shows that I care about them and they aren't alone."

Again, that is absolutely great. We should have unity and we should be there for people in times of tragedy, especially when they have been there for us in our horrible times, but that being said, what about the others who are attacked and killed for no real purpose?

"What others? Oh. The muslims?"

Yeah. But not just the Muslims.

Your facebook filter does send a message, however, you aren't grasping the whole picture.

I've seen a lot of images lately, about the Paris attacks, ISIS (Daesh is what I will now refer them as) and refugees, which have stirred up a lot of conversations, debates and just plain hate. While I love how ingeniously beautiful the Eiffel tower peace sign is, the picture below caught my attention more so than the peace sign. 

(Artist Lee Marej)

People were shocked by the Paris attacks, naturally so. It's a safe place. People vacation there, it isn't a war zone, it doesn't have real beef with anyone to cause people to be in fear while living or visiting there. I understand that it's not a place where people are bombed and I see why it is receiving a lot of attention. However, what makes me sad is how little the places that are in war, the people whom live in fear, the people who get bombed daily, the places that have a higher and higher death toll, are not getting the attention they need. 

Or, if it does get covered, briefly, I see people say, "It's been happening for years. It's really just noise now."

Does that mean that we should continue to ignore?

You might say, "Oh, well, it's a third-world country. It doesn't really affect me, so it's not a high priority." Which I get, it doesn't personally affect you now, but don't you think that in the future it could? Don't you think that the tiny little bubble that you live in could somehow pop and expose you to the real world? It did for some people in France, when they got attacked. None of them were expecting a horrific event to take place. You know why? Because they live in a free, safe environment. "Where things like that aren't supposed to happen."

Oh, I'm sorry, but where exactly are they supposed to happen?
Syria, Sudan, Iraq, Somalia, and other parts of Africa are just a few places where wars, genocides, and destruction, are happening right now. And why are they supposed to happen?

I haven't been totally honest while writing this and I want to come clean.
I'm a hypocrite.

For the past 25 years, I have lived in a bubble, thinking that nothing can hurt me. Countless of times I have taken for granted the kind of life I live. I don't have to worry about vacating my home because men with guns are forcing me out, or relocating a bunch of times to stay safe. I don't have to worry about getting food or seeking shelter. I'm not going to get killed for the type of religion I practice, or the things I preach. Hell, I won't face anything by posting my opinions online. People will surely judge me, but I wont be hunted down and killed because I'm talking about the injustices of the world or the bad people who make it happen or the people, like me, who have lived in a bubble for so long they don't know what actually helping looks like. I have it easy. You probably have it easy.

But all of these places that don't, will continually have to live a life that they shouldn't have to live if we keep turning the other cheek and keep living within our bubbles. I haven't fully broken out of mine, but I'm tired of living in a world where I see hate spreading faster than fire. I want things to change and the only way for things to change is to start with yourself.

I'm not changing my facebook picture, because personally I don't feel that helps. I have nothing against people who do change their picture, and I know that it is all for good intentions, however, I feel it isolates the ones that really need the attention more. I stand for humanity and I hope you do too.

Please don't make prejudices on people who do not deserve them. Please research and don't make accusations. Please realize that the world is much bigger than you think and that not everyone is bad, because in reality there is a lot of good.

Please open your eyes and hearts and look outside your bubble. There are so many images you could be missing.

Bad Blood

Just a random little obsession post because I'm cool like that.

Last night, I watched Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood" music video and became slightly obsessed because it was on repeat during my workout today.

Musically speaking, the song isn't the most amazing thing out there, but the power that the video brings is just purely awesome and greatly shadows the mediocre rhythm. I'm not a huge Taylor fan. As she's grown and changed, I like her more and more, but I don't particularly listen to any of her music except what plays on the radio. I saw a gif of the music video and I was instantly intrigued so when I found out it was Taylor's video, I was pleasantly surprised.

First, let me mention that I love badass women and this video is definition of badass women. Secondly, I want to talk about the fact that it references a shit ton of amazing movies like The Matrix, Tron, Sin City, Kill Bill, Sucker Punch, The Kingsmen, The Fifth Element and many others that I'm forgetting now. Third, in the vein of badass women, it's such a feministic piece. Yes, two types of women are battling, but within those two groups, they all come together and work as a team to fight for something they believe in, which is kind of stellar. Lastly, I just like to look at it visually. Action, fighting, crazy stunts, weapons, pretty ladies. They use the most cliche action movie scenes ever, but who cares? It's awesome. I love that it makes me pumped up and excited and motivated. Props to you, Bad Blood crew.

Only flaw to this video is the end when instead of actually battling, they throw a cat fight slap. I mean, c'mon. You just trained hardcore. Give an actual punch.

Okay, I'm sorry! My nerdy obsessions is over. For now.



Ps,
I will eventually cosplay LeeLoo from The Fifth Element.

My Acting Career

Look at what I found while cleaning up one of the drives at work. We were so in love. 

Also, something new is about to happen in my life! Stay posted!!! :) 

Change

Huh, my last post was posted the day after I had snuck over to my sorta boyfriend's house and had the time of my life. I was beaming, I was glowing. I was happy that I was with someone who I saw potential with. For the first time in a long time, I was excited for my future.

Isn't it crazy that you can look at a photo and still feel the emotions you felt that day? They are forever ingrained into your soul and just by looking at that photo, you feel it all over again. The love, the hope, the warm fuzzy feelings, the excitement. However shitty I feel now, I remember that day. I remember that feeling and I have it always. It is bittersweet. But it is mine.

"Write a paragraph a day about something interesting in your life," he said. And so I shall.

Week 10: Bye Spring Break :(

It is so beautiful today. I wish I wasn't stuck inside doing homework that I failed to work on over the break. My bad. I just really needed a break and working on a presentation and a 5 page paper just didn't sound too appealing. But now that I only have a day left of spring break, and since I did want to get ahead, I better start working on it now so I can enjoy other beautiful days in the future. Boo.

What did I do over spring break?

Friday I worked all day, so lets not go into that, because it's lame.

Starting Saturday night, I hung out with my friend Fatima. We were supposed to go to Plano, but it was super stormy out and neither of us really wanted to drive so we just chilled and grabbed a few drinks. It was pretty nice to be able to just chill and also have a blast.

Sunday I went and played Laser tag with John and his brother. John and I had are both a little competitive, so of course I talked a big talk... unfortunately, I sucked. I came in like almost last both times. And the second time we huddled together to work as a team and while they got third and fourth,  I still managed to come in last. Next time I will do better!

I started to work out on Monday! Pretty happy about that! I started cleaning out my closet. Got rid of a ton of clothes and dresses and cleaned up a bit so I could have some more room.

Tuesday I made a sneaky trip! ;)

Wednesday I hung out with Bekah. We went to the lake and talked and enjoyed the weather. Went to dinner, then Barnes and Noble. NOBLE. I always say nobles. Whatever. Took some cute pictures which I'll post here.

Thursday I woke up a little late, hung out with Eliza for a teeny tiny bit. I just met her at corner bakery, a little cafe, and talked. It was okay, we aren't as close as we were, so It's a little depressing. I don't really remember what I did the rest of the night. I worked on a little bit of homework and then played a game or something. All I remember is going to bed super late which was really dumb because...

I had to work all day Friday. Which was just awfully long for the first half of my shift. Fortunately, my favorite people were working and I was barely on register, so it worked out nicely. The second half of my shift just flew by which was excellent, but once I got off I was just super exhausted. My friend from work got minecraft, so we played a bit when I got home and then I just passed out.

Now it's Saturday, completely gorgeous out, day before St. Patties day and I need to work on my paper/presentation. But I just really don't want to. I mean... it's so flipping gorgeous. I guess I'll keep my  blinds open. Maybe that will be a little better.... or a little worse since it's just a big tease!

Besides the big school things, I still need to scan my drivers license and my proof of car insurance for Big Sisters, so I can finish applying for that... Also, I still need to get healthier food. Though I'm working out more and eating less, I'm still not eating completely healthy. Soon.

It's time to open my blinds, sit on my bed and get to writing. At least half. That's my goal. Half a paper. I can do it. Right?

Week 9: Little behind.

I keep forgetting to post on Wednesdays. Oops. Just as long as I do it weekly that's all that matters. Most of my days have been filled with school, and most of my nights have been talking with someone. So, really now a lot has happened. Which is unfortunate, but oh well. I have been going on ride bikes lately. I've missed it. It still amazes me that I'm able to ride a bike now. It's really strange to think that it took so long to do something so simple. Lukas was over here this weekend too. He's a pretty funny kid. We mostly played video games. His 8th birthday is at the end of this month. Ah. That scares me. Makes me feel so old because I really am. Damn.

Tomorrow is my first day of spring break!! Eeek. I'm so happy that I have a whole week off from school. I need this break so badly. However, even though it's a break, I need to work on a few things over the week so that during the rest of the semester I wont be as stressed. Get ahead of the game, ya know?

I'll give myself a few days break though. Don't you worry.

Let's make a list of all the things I need to do.
Here they are:

• Turn in my Literary Criticism paper 
•  Pay for Yeuris birthday gift 
• Finish my Big Sister application 
• Clean out my closet 
• Start my American literature paper 
• Start on my Presentation 
• Make a reading list
• Go grocery shopping for eating better 
• WORK OUT! 

Until next time!

Week 8: Keeping it short

Okay, okay... where do I begin?

The days for this week have dragged on, but the week has just flown by. It's weird how that happens.

Joe is gone. School still sucks. Spring break is next week and I cannot freaking wait. I'm going to be super productive... and by super productive, I'm going to be doing nothing!

 I have one paper keeping me from my peaceful break... but this is the biggest paper that I'm stressing about. Only because I have no idea what this class is about. I was forced to skip the inro class for this course and because I've been so overwhelmed with all of my other classes, and this one doesn't have any other grades... I may have skipped a lot of reading... because well it was the lowest on my priorities. Now it's EXTREMELY high. Shit. Shit. Shit. That's what I'm thinking.

So, I'm sort of on the verge to being in a relationship... or at least I think so? Clearly, I'm not quite sure, but I'm digging this guy and he's into me... That's really all I've got.

My allergies are pretty bad today and I feel a little burnt out so I'm going to get off the computer for a bit. Sorry this isn't very good.

Week 7: Emotions.

This is will be a long blog, so be prepared.

Here's the deal, I'm completely exhausted with life, to the point where I have been about to cry on more than a few occasions daily. So everything about this post will be emotional, because well... that's just me right now.

I guess I'll start off with the weekend. I drove to San Antonio to visit Erica. We went to the rodeo and saw lots of farm animals, ate a jumbo corndog and saw pig races. The rodeo was fun.

The weekend was okay, though. I think I would have rather stayed home for a few reasons. One because I spent way too much money for just a short trip and I'm pretty broke. Also, I'm overwhelmed with school work. Another reason, I just didn't feel like I was wanted or I felt like I was way more excited than I should have been and my expectations were too high, but whatever. I'm home now.

Moving forward... Joe is here. I'm very conflicted towards the situation. When I first heard he was going to be here for a while, I was completely annoyed and frustrated. Last time he was here, I think I was about 14 and he scared me, so those memories of that period in my life came back. It's not just the time Joe was here, it's everything about my life at that time. I just didn't like it. I try to forget, I try to block those memories out... so of course when I heard Joe was coming, those memories resurfaced.

Joe finally arrived late in the evening, so I didn't get a chance to see him until the next day. I was heading to the gym (love the gym) and he was outside working on the yard. He'd been out there most of the day. When I saw him I gave him a friendly hello and asked how he was. It's such a hard moment to capture through words, but a lot of emotions were felt. I felt guilt from treating him so poorly, for being disgusted by him, I felt sad for Ross and Joe's situation, I felt happy that I was able to be comfortable around him, I felt proud of how hard he was working in the yard, I felt pity because of who he is. It's really awful how his life has turned out, and it pains me that when he looks at me, it's only for a brief moment because I'm sure he knows why he had to leave last time. He has the mentality of a preteen and so his emotions are just as sporadic as a lost boy. I just hope that his staying here will help him. I'm also glad that I'm more mature to handle it this time.

Through the past few weeks, I've realized that I rely on a lot of other people to make me happy. I'm finally realizing how wrong that can be. I'm tired of my bitter, angry, hurt emotions, and so for a while I think I'm going to be on my own. I depend on my friends, and recently, I just haven't felt better by being around them... quite the opposite actually. It's not their faults (although in some instances it has been) but mostly the fault has been mine. I'm just not happy with my life right now, and I can't depend on them to make it better. I also can't take out my aggression on them when they are having good times. It's not fair... so therefore, I'm backing off a little bit and taking time for myself. I'm taking the time to focus on my studies and to focus on my health. I get so caught up in everyone's emotions, I don't have time for my own and I think that may be why I'm on the verge of a complete mental breakdown.


So school is stressful.  I'm still completely burnt out, but I feel that in almost all of my classes, I'm doing fairly well. There is one that makes me super nervous because I only have two grades in that class. Lots of pressure to write awesome papers, just don't know if I can. Just gotta take on thing at a time.

I've looked more into the peace corps. It's insanely hard to get in, which has made me a little less hopeful. I've been looking at other places to volunteer through the summer or once classes become less stressful. This summer I'd like to start working for Habitat for Humanity, and Big Brothers and Sisters. I've actually already applied for Big Brothers and Sisters. Also, I've been looking at Americorps as another place to volunteer. I wont be starting this until later, but I've checked a little bit of it out.

Like usual, I've been a slacker when it comes to fitness. But I have put some goals in mind that I really want, so that might push me forward... Plus exercise is such a good stress reliever. I'd really like to get a tattoo if I hit a certain goal weight. I drew one up the other night and this is it. This is what I want. I've finally decided 100% which might push me a little further. It's an ambigram that says I against I. That's always my biggest problem. I constantly have a war within myself and one day I just want to be able to battle the bad parts.

Well... now that I've randomly vented..it is time to start working on my paper.


Until next week!

Week 6: Another long week :(

Hey remember when I said I was burnt out? Now I'm even more burnt out. This semester is rough and it's still only the beginning. Ahhh. Yes I did just scream.

Anyways, let's talk about my week.
It hasn't been too exciting. I feel like I've been locked away in my room for weeks. It's almost kind of true. I mean, my brother did have my car for like a week... so I just went to school and back and then work since I was using my mom's car. I really need to get my own car. Really, I need to make lots of monies so I can get my own place and become a grown up. I've turned in my short story. It's not very good, but it's done! Now I'm reading The Romance of the Forest. I actually kind of like it...

THIS WEEKEND I'M FINALLY GOING TO SAN ANTONIO!!!! :) Cannot be more excited. Even though I'll have a butt ton of homework when I come back, this weekend is much needed. Much needed!

Next week I'll have more to talk about! I swear!

Week 5: Burnt out.

I'm kind of in a funk. Maybe because the story I'm working on isn't going where I want it to go and I only have so many days left to finish it. Maybe because I haven't worked out in a few days. Maybe because my brother has my car and I wont be able to go to San Antonio this weekend. Or maybe because my Ross's homeless brother is going to stay here for awhile... even though he's a felon. Not totally comfortable with that. Anyways, I'm in this funk and I just want to get out of it. I feel completely overwhelmed. With life and school and I know I shouldn't, yet I feel this thundercloud hovering over me just waiting to rain. Just go away and let the sun shine through, please.

Burnt out may be the word that I'm looking for. Each day I'm realizing that this is my last year to really be a kid. Really be selfish and take advantage of it... yet it's hard to do that when I have to think about grades, and working just to have enough money for gas... (Like how am I going to make it in the real world with actual BILLS to pay?) See, and then I think of the future and stress about that, when really I ought to be focused on the now. And enjoy it.

Hmmph. That's hard.


Oh, dad. Sorry I was rude to you in the email. I'm just super bitchy and stressed.

Maybe tomorrow if I go on a bike ride before school I'll feel better. I'm going to try it.

Holy crap. It's already 11.

Week 4: Balancing

It's hard balancing all this crap that I have to do for school. I didn't realize it would be this much, but my god I literally have piles of things I have to work on. I'm so ready to graduate.... but then what?
What in the world will I do? Even though graduation seems so far away, it's really not all that far, which is frightening. I really have to get my shit together this year!

I started working out again, which is excellent. Been trying to go in the mornings so that I can get it over with. Having a normal sleeping schedule really isn't my thing, but I'm working on it.

I've been reading the House of Mirth for school. It's an interesting book, not something I'd read on my own but I like it. There is a line in the story that I really like and I'm not sure why, but it's ingrained in my brain. Ha, that rhymed.

"You are an artist and I happen to be the bit of color you are using today." - Laurence Seldon.

This weekend I'm going to see a RENT, a community play my friend is in. It should be interesting. I really don't like musicals, but I promised I'd go. HOW AM I GOING TO HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE AND GET ALL THIS WORK DONE? I have to write a short story before next weekend so I can go to San Antonio and see Erica.

Also, random, but I've been planning spring break and I think I'm going to go to South Carolina to visit Jose! If he will let me, ha.

Now I am off to the gym!

Week 3: READ

So, I'm still getting used to school. And my sleeping schedule. It's all kinds of messed up. I feel like this semester by the time I get into the groove of things it will be over.

I've read 2 novels since I last posted. Well, actually let me be clear, I've read two novellas. I enjoyed both greatly. Daisy Miller and The Castle of Otranto. I forgot how much I love reading and talking about stories and books and themes and all of that stuff. What I don't miss is reading with a time constraint and writing papers and group projects. I don't think I'll understand that value of those.

Things I've done this week.

Cleaned.
Read.
Read.
Saved an adorable lost puppy.
Picked up Ross from the airport.
Read.
School.
Assignments.
Tomb Raider.
Vodka.
Read.
School.
Did I mention reading? Because I did more of that. 

And tonight I hung out with my girls and got some drinks. This is the first time that allllll of us could actually get together. We hung out for a good 4 hours. Talked about everything. Glad I have those special girls to bond with. :)

Well, I need to get myself ready for bed. Thank goodness tomorrow is the start of my weekend! But unfortunately it will be spent... well you know... reading.

Week 2: Long week.

Well, I'm feeling much better now. No more cold.

School has begun. I'm taking four classes this semester. All English. I have Romantic Literature, Literary Criticism, advanced fiction writing and finally American literature. I'm really only interested in the last two, but the other ones seem interesting. Even though this semester is going to kill me, I'm looking forward to it. I've read a few short stories for my fiction writing class. The book is called Stay Awake, by Dan Chaon. When I first started reading, it was probably about 12 or 1 in the morning. I didn't realize that the title meant that when you read these short stories, you will be kept awake. Either from the eerie factor, or because it's just an engrossing book. I'm actually excited to talk about it during class.

Let's see. Mostly school took over this week. Nothing too exciting has happened since my last post. I'm just trying to get acclimated to the new semester as well as trying to readjust my sleeping schedule. Boy, that's fun.

Today I had work at 6 in the morning. I wasn't even needed (even my manager asked why I was there) but I worked for a few hours, on no sleep. I stayed up all night. Partly from being a little freaked by the book, but also because I'm dumb and stay up when I shouldn't. I got off work early and rushed to my bed. Thought I'd take a quick nap before my class at 3. Almost slept through it. Thank goodness I woke up 30 minutes before and RACED to school. Only showed up 10 minutes late. Better late than never right?

Tomorrow will be another long day. I have to take Ross to the airport, since he's going on a skiing trip. Poor guy hurt his back today, though. Hopefully he'll still have a good time, and hopefully he'll stay safe. After I take him to the airport I have to go straight to work and then when I'm off, I'll probably start reading a novel for school. That I'm supposed to finish by next class.

And so it begins. 

Week 1: New beginnings

Hey, what do you know? It's the new year. 2013. Didn't think we would make it after December 21st. Glad we did. ;)

Let's be real. I've missed blogging and blogging has missed me.

It may be from the drugs (cold medicine) or from being insanely bored and unable to sleep due to my horrible head cold, but I want to write continuously again. But I'm changing it up this year. Instead of writing every day, I plan to write ever Wednesday. WRITIN' WEDNESDAY. Don't you just love the sound of that? WW. Perfect.

It's strange to look back at my other post, and also very embarrassing. I've grown a lot, and I think it's time to start fresh, so I'll probably delete (maybe) the other posts after moving them into a folder. I still want to keep them, but my god. I will never post another BLAH post in my life. That is just unacceptable, and as someone who is now an English Major, I need to step it up. Right? I want to be able to look back on this and remember ever little detail. That's what it's for. Not to remember the shitty day I had, or the uneventful time spent. I want to remember the little things. Each and every little detail of my week, or about other people, pop culture, world events... whatever. I want it logged. Here's to 51 weeks. :)

There have been a few memorable moments that have happened since the beginning of the new year. Well, for one, I got an amazing new computer! My first PC in a long, long, long time. Pretty ecstatic that I have it. It makes writing so much nicer; it's so big and open rather than the cramped version I have on my laptop.

I went on a date. We went to Main Event. I won pool once. I beat him in lasertag through a technicality and I got three hole in ones. That's really all I'm going to say about that.

I've gotten in a fight with one of my friends over something ridiculously silly and petty, but my stubbornness wont allow myself to correct it, and neither will hers. Makes for a perfect combination of bitchiness and unresolved problems. Perfect. I know things will work themselves out eventually.

Also, get this. I'm sick! You knew that already, but I love that even though I've only been sick once since my surgery in June, I'm sick now. Most of my other blogs revolve around me being sick and I'm not even kidding. Maybe I'll keep them up just so you call scroll through them and see.But really, this time it's not that bad. I think I got it from being in the cold for too long without a coat. Oops. I know better now. That surgery really did do wonders, though.

Well, I should probably try and go to sleep. Even though I REALLY hate sleeping when I have a runny nose. It's the worst.

See ya next week.
Katelan

This Be the Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.   

    They may not mean to, but they do.   

They fill you with the faults they had

    And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

    By fools in old-style hats and coats,   

Who half the time were soppy-stern

    And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

    It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

    And don’t have any kids yourself.

                 --Philip Larkin 

So

I'm not back, so those 2 people that actually read this-- wait scratch that-- that one person who reads this, don't get your hopes up.

I've got a lot going on in my life right now. Mostly school, but damn is it a lot. I write and read and write and read. I actually think my brain shut down on me for a bit today. Anyways, I have a question for that 1 person who reads my blog...

We can all agree that we are pretty complex people, right? And have many different ideas in our heads. Well, if you could ask yourself one question that you didn't know about the answer to, what would it be?

That's my assignment for this next paper I have to write. Although, I'm a little stuck. I have no idea what I would ask myself. Honestly, I know nothing about me, yet I still don't have anything to ask. It might be because I don't want to know.

Anyways, think about that.

Day 85: great.

Yuck. Why do I feel like poo?
Also, I want to get out of my house.
Can I just move? Why does money have to exist? Or why don't I have enough!

Day 84: ARFHfg df

Tomorrow is my last day of spring break and I work all day and the rest of the weekend. Can I get another one please? Or just can we jump to summer? 

I'm not ready to go back. This week was extremely lame.

So ready for a vacation. That's all I want to do. And work out a lot. And cook. And not stress out about school. 

I haven't worked out in two days. I don't like that at all. I'm an addict now. Maybe I should just get fit and become a personal trainer. What everyone else seems to do after getting fit. 

Dude, I turned the heater on and now it's blasting cold air. WTF? 

Someone changed it!!! NO!! 

It's cold out. UGh. get pretty and stop fucking with my allergies, weather! Please! 

Day 83: You know what?!

I'm kind of getting tired of posting every day. Mainly because I don't really ever do anything different, or because I forget and then I always half ass them when I write them.

I'm a little tired of that. I might just write up until 100 and then stop writing daily. I guess only post things when I actually have something to say. Which right now I really don't.

Although I did see 21 jump street. Go see that shit. Or get that movie for me when it comes out because it's funny. And the Vow while you're at it.

Meh. I'm done.