Day Five: Confession

Well today has been a long day. I had my biology test today, and I have a confession to make. I barely studied. I made all the note cards yesterday and tried to study, but I couldn't retain anything that I was reading. I literally read a note card 6 times and still had no idea what it was supposed to mean. I'm the worst studier (is that even a word? My computer thinks it is, so i'll go with it) on this planet! I had a million and one things on my mind yesterday and I couldn't focus any of my attention on something thats the most important. What's my deal?

I have another test to study for today too, so what on earth am I going to do? I suppose I can express all my thoughts. That might help me, so I dont repeatedly think about them over and over again.

Yesterday was kind of a low day. I think everyone has them from time to time, and I think that's perfectly fine.

I kept thinking about my future. A couple of days ago I had to register for classes and it got me thinking about my major. I don't even know what I want to do in life and everyone around me knows, or is graduating, or starting a career or a family and I still feel like I'm a child. I think I just dream too big or something and am constantly let down. For instance, when I made all those note cards I planned to study them and do really well on the test, but I just found that it was TOO much information, and my mind just couldn't concentrate on such a big objective, so I just gave in to not caring. I feel like my time in school is such a waste. Especially for my dad, who is paying for it. Yes, I want to be in school, but am I choosing the right major? Is this something I really want to do? And if I'm not, or if i fail then I just wasted some much time, and a whole lot of my dads money. (And dad, I am super grateful for your support and paying for my schooling)

I also thought about relationships. Not just romantic relationships, but friendships as well. I either put up too much of a guard, or I trust people too easily. And that either makes for not many friends, or being hurt.

I don't know. I just feel like my youth right now is being wasted, if that makes any sense? I don't want to wake up one day and be like where the heck did my life go, but I have a feeling I'm not the only one who thinks that way.

Okay, so enough of that....

On a positive note, I go to New York in like 2 weeks. And christmas is so close. Can you believe its already November 10th?!